Getting to Know Me…

I have successfully completed the valance for the baby’s room.  It didn’t take as long as I thought it might, and turned out pretty much as I hoped it would.  So I am very happy.   I had to create the pattern myself, because the pattern we’d bought didn’t actually include anything for the valance I wanted…it showed the picture, but didn’t have any instructions for that one inside.  Anyway, I am posting a picture of it, because it’s the first thing I’ve sewn in who knows how long, and one of the few things that’s actually turned out right!  I definitely made a few notes to self for next time (I’d do the pleats differently, and make it a tad wider), but overall, not too bad!  Who knows what I’ll attempt next!?  (You can click on the pictures to make them bigger.)

Me with Nikki, Thanksgiving Day 2008

Well, despite having a wonderful year, a healthy pregnancy, a new home to call our very own, an amazing husband and family, and pretty much everything else being great, too, I was mentally preparing for something awful to happen.  Not expecting it to happen, because I’m no pessimist, but it seems to me that God allows bad things to happen when everything else is great to enable us to better be able to handle them.

So last Monday, I got a phone call from Dad.  My cousin, who is nine days older than me and basically the sister I never had, had endured a few tumultuous weeks.  They proved to be too much for her to bear.  She suffered from bipolar disorder, which I hate to admit that I know very little about.  What I do know is that in the end, that was her death sentence.  Her funeral was Friday.  Up until Friday, I tried to keep reminding myself that she was gone.  It just didn’t seem possible.  We went to the funeral home on Thursday evening so see family and to, well, get a dose of reality.  I stepped inside the funeral home doors, and that was as far as I could go.  Luckily her husband was right there, so we stood there and talked to him for about fifteen minutes or so.  I kept glancing down the hall where I knew I would eventually have to go, but I was putting it off as long as I could.  After all, at this point I was holding it together pretty well.  On some level I knew I was going to break, but I’m stubborn and I didn’t want to give in.

Then I saw my other cousin, who is also my age (we were the Three Musketeers), start walking towards me.  As soon as we got our arms around each other, I broke down.  Hard.  We stood there and hugged each other and cried for the longest time.  I finally was able to start to pull myself together again (or so I thought), until I saw my aunt.  That started another waterfall.  After that I just let go of my pride and cried pretty much the whole time we were there.  It felt good to finally let it out, although it still seemed so surreal.  The funeral the next day was more of the same, but it helped me to start to understand that she is really gone.

Tomorrow is her son’s sixth birthday, then comes Christmas, then her husband’s birthday next week.  My heart breaks for her husband, her kids, and her mom.  My heart breaks for me, too, though.  She will never meet my daughter.  I will never hear her infectious laugh again.  Or see her with her hand on her hip, head tilted, giving me a hard time for wearing heels when I’m eight months pregnant.

Here is the good in all of this.  Last January, when my grandmother’s health was failing and we knew her days were short, several family members were spending a lot of time visiting Grandma and Grandpa.  My cousin was one of those, as was my mom.  She started asking my mom a lot of questions about her faith, and she decided to accept Christ.  So knowing that she is no longer in pain, and that she is whole and complete and perfect…that makes me very happy.  I will miss her terribly, but I know I will see her again someday.

I’ve been watching and waiting for the perfect deal to come along.  We bought a recliner to put in a corner of the living room so we can rock the baby and feed her there.  I realized not too long after that if we had a tiny table to put next to it, I would have a handy place to store burp cloths, and be able to put up a lamp so I could read at night.  I found the perfect thing on Craigslist yesterday, and I was able to go pick it up earlier today (thanks, Shamale!).  I knew I was going to buy it, but didn’t realize it was going to be in such great condition!  The lady I bought it from even polished it for me!  It perfectly matches the rest of the wood we have in the living room, and looks just right next to the recliner.  I’m pretty easy to please, thank goodness, but this little purchase totally made my day — I am so excited about it.  Here is a pic of it so you, too, can appreciate how adorable it is.

Tiny Table

So I’ve been away for about three weeks now, I think…went to San Antonio with Ben for a week (he had a conference, so I tagged along).  It was a great time.  I went shopping with my newly engaged friend Amanda (she wasn’t engaged at the time–that just happened–Congrats, Amanda!) and was FINALLY able to find a totally awesome baby shower dress.  I can’t wait to wear it.  I put it at the very back of my closet so I don’t look at it any more between now and then–I’m afraid I’ll be tired of it before I even wear it if I look at it too much.

Anyway, while in San Antonio, I got to spend time with Amanda, as well as Josh and Joanna.  Josh is Ben’s cousin and Joanna is his wife–they are both awesome, and also got to see Bob and Jeanne, Joanna’s parents.  It was WONDERFUL.

Now that we’re back, we’ve gone into home renovation mode somewhat, trying to get things ready for the baby’s arrival.  We got her room painted, the crib and changing table assembled, and the stroller / car seat combo put together.  It’s starting to come together!

I went for my monthly doctor appointment today–not much to report there…gained a few pounds, uterus has grown a lot, and they drew some blood to test my iron levels and see if I have gestational diabetes.  Don’t have to go back for another month, then it’ll be about every two weeks for a while (then weekly…sheesh!)  I’m really glad I don’t have a co-pay…that would not be cool at all.

My stomach has finally started to grow quite a bit over the past couple of weeks, and I’m starting to look like a bona fide pregnant lady.  I had two people ask me today when I was due, and it caught me totally off guard because that’s the first time someone’s asked that after just looking at me.  I stammered and couldn’t even remember the answer at first becuase I was so surprised.  Anyway, I’ll try to get some belly pics taken soon and get them posted.

I guess I’ll write more again soon…it’s getting late and I’m tired!  Just wanted to post a quick update since I’ve been gone for so long–my deepest apologies!  Megan, I hope you didn’t give up on me!

“There is chocolate cake in the Budget Office if anyone wants some!” 

I hear this announcement about three minutes after I opened my nonfat peach yogurt.  I disdainfully stare at my little cup of yogurt, willing it to disappear, go bad, or SOMETHING.  It does none of those things – it just sits there, remaining wholesome and yummy.  Dang!  Any other week I would’ve stood my happy butt out of my chair, walked down to the Budget Office, and helped myself to the world’s largest piece of chocolate cake. 

But this week is different.  I made a commitment to myself last Sunday to eat healthy this whole week (Monday through Friday).  I wrote it down, too, so I couldn’t conveniently “forget”.  I know all my tricks.  I committed to eat every two to three hours each day, no carbs except vegetables from dinner on, and certainly no chocolate cake.  With help from Ben (no, baked beans don’t count as vegetable carbs…neither do sixlets), I have succeeded on my healthy eating plan for this week and am already feeling much, much better. 

So when the announcement came over the loudspeaker in my building, I was tempted, but only momentarily.  Do I really want to undo all the good I’ve done this week?  No.  Do I really want to feel guilty for abandoning my commitment?  No.  So nonfat peach yogurt it is.

Here’s what’s been on my mind over the past couple of days:

1.  Weather–I LOVE how the weather is outside right now.  When I step outside in the morning, it feels like a crisp, cool Colorado morning.  There’s nothing like it and it makes me instantly happy despite anything negative that may be going on in my world (see #3).  Ben just giggles at me ’cause although he does appreciate the cooler weather, I don’t think he understands why it makes me downright giddy.  I don’t really understand it, either.

2.  Baby’s Nursery–I don’t have to have a nursery that looks like it came out of a magazine, but I also don’t want it to look like every other baby girl’s nursery–white furniture with pastel pink everything else.  I love the idea of sage green walls, dark wood furniture, and decorating with a darker shade of pink–either salmon or hot pink.  Luckily, Ben agrees.  We’ve found the furniture we want, now it’s down to finding things in sage green and salmon or hot pink.  Not an easy task.  I figure worst case is that Mom and I can make something.  Anyway, keep your eye out, and let me know if you happen to see stuff that fits that description!

3.  Fleas–They suck.  Literally and metaphorically.  Our poor cat, Molly, has been put through every imaginable flea treatment to try to get rid of them.  Our new house had renters before we moved in, and they had an indoor/outdoor cat that evidently brought fleas in with her.  So Molly is miserable.  We gave her two flea treatments, neither of which worked.  Then we gave her a flea bath and put a flea collar on her, which seemed to help at first, but soon she was scratching worse than before.  So yesterday I went to the all-knowing source, the internet, to try to figure out what our next step was.  We decided to get a Frontline Plus flea treatment.  They claim to destroy 98-100% of fleas within 24 hours.  She stopped scratching almost immediately, and slept in one spot for the next ten hours or so…must’ve been exhausted from scratching all day.  During the night last night, she started scratching again intermittently, but it’s still less than before (and hasn’t been 24 hours yet), so we hope that stuff is still working through her system and doing its job.  If not, I don’t know what we’ll do next.  I feel awful seeing her suffer like that.  I never thought I’d care about a pet that much, but I do.  Guess we’ll see this afternoon what the results are and go from there.  Until then, I’m just trying not to think about it.

4.  Caylee Anthony–the little three-year-old girl from Florida that has been missing for months now.  I figured she was dead, and now it appears that assumption was probably correct.  I don’t know why this story has grasped my attention the way it has, but I just can’t read enough.  I always like a good ‘whodunit’, but would prefer it to be a “Law & Order:  SVU” episode, not a real-life drama.  Perhaps since I am on my way to being a new mommy, I just can’t fathom why someone would kill their own child, and a toddler at that.  I am just assuming, of course, that she did it, but I just don’t see how she didn’t have something to do with it.  I hope they can get this one solved before it drags out too much further.

Wow, it’s been a while since I last wrote on here!  Guard-related conference last week, then just busy, busy, busy this week! 

So here’s the latest: 

I felt the baby move for the first time on Sunday, Aug 17th.  It wasn’t flutters like I’d read it would be.  It felt like an index finger barely pushing me from the inside.  Wierd.  It didn’t happen again for a while, but over the last few days I’ve felt it more often.  Still no flutters, though…maybe those come later; who knows.

We bought a house on Wednesday.  Almost nobody knew about it.  I called my parents, and when I told them we’d bought a house, I think they initially thought that we’d made an offer that was accepted, not that we’d already closed!  They said we’re just full of surprises these days.  It’s an awesome house, definitely one that God wanted us to have, because on paper it never should’ve happened.  Never.  That’s one of the reasons we didn’t tell anyone…we were going to be shocked if it actually worked out.  Our lender, who is also a friend of ours, said “Y’all must have God’s favor on y’all life”.  He’s right, I believe we do.  He provided a WAY better house than we planned to buy, exactly where we wanted to be, with VERY little money out of pocket up front.  God is good–all the time.

our new house

Next thing–we went for my doctor appointment yesterday, and had my second (and last) sonogram.  I’d had the first one at eight weeks, just to see how far along I was, so this one was the one where we were hoping to get a good view of our new child and hopefully find out what kind of baby we were expecting.  We were both convinced that it was a boy.  We were wrong.  Megan (and only a few others) were right.  My dad and brother are thrilled–they were ready for a little girl in the fam.  All of the rest of us were thrilled, too, but we really didn’t have a preference like they did.   Looks like she has two arms and two legs, a good-sized head, and a perfect spine.  Hard to really see anything else.  We also got to see her move, which was the closest I’ve gotten to being teary-eyed.  Pretty cool to see that little person moving around, and then realized that she was moving around inside of ME! 

our little girl

So this evening and tomorrow we will be moving into our new house so we can officially start preparing for the arrival of our little girl.  Wow.  What a week.

I’ll add more as I think of them.

I’m really good at parallel parking and will choose that over a regular spot unless I am running late.

I love being a member of the military, and I love the respect that comes with being an officer. 

I am not nearly as ‘driven’ as people think I am.  It’s the fact that they think I am that actually drives me.

I want to be on the cover of Oxygen magazine before I’m 32– and IN it by at least 31.

I was a tomboy until I went to college–loved big shirts, loose jeans, and combat boots.  Guess the combat boots stuck because I got a job where I’m actually required to wear them now.

I’ve moved 33 times in my life, lived in five different states, and about 11 different towns.  And no, my parents were not in the military.  They just got itchy feet after being in the same place to long, and then it was time to go.  Now I’m the same way–I feel stagnant after a year or two.

I don’t believe in having the same job for a lifetime, or even for more than about two years.  I think people get too comfortable and/or complacent, quit pushing themselves, and stop growing.  I never wanted to be that person so I always look for new things that I think I can’t do, then try to do them.

My husband and I have our own language–if people listened to half the stuff we say to each other, they’d have absolutely no idea what we were saying.  And I love that about us.

I think my husband is one of the smartest people on the planet.  He can talk in circles around me, but is kind enough not to.

I hate watching anything having to do with politics even though I know I should.

I plan to homeschool our kids, although sometimes I’m not sure I’ll do a good job. 

We’ve always planned to have two kids, but now are thinking about having more than that.

I wish I was more outspoken about my faith.  I’m getting better, though.  I work it into a conversation whenever it fits. 

I’m terrified of arguing about my beliefs because I’m afraid someone will back me into a corner and I won’t know how to defend myself.

I’m a people-pleaser to a fault–makes it hard to be a good leader sometimes.

I’m horrible about keeping in touch with people…regardless of whether it’s friends, family, or whomever.

I hate when people misspell things, and I hate it even more when I do it and don’t realize it.

I had surgery to remove ovarian cysts the size of softballs when I was about 22…the doctor turned out to be not very trustworthy so sometimes I wonder if I ever had them to begin with.

We had our kids’ names picked out two or three years before I got pregnant.  If we have more than two, we’ll have to think of more.

I’m almost fluent in Spanish–and I LOVE the language.  Just wish I had more opportunities to speak it.

I would love to learn ALL the  Romance Languages…someday.

I have been to OR through 14 countries (counting the United States).  15 if you count Vatican City.

My favorite city in the world is Rome, hands down.  It took my breath away.

I read people.com, foxnews.com, and cnn.com almost every day.  Ben always wonders why I know things like that the world’s tallest man (a man from China) looked all over the world for a wife and ended up marrying a gal who lived just a few miles away.  It’s only ’cause I read the news…and that, for whatever reson, is considered news.

If you tell me something, I will probably forget.  If I see it in writing, I probably won’t.

I wish I took more pictures.

I like driving a vehicle that is paid off and have no desire to ever have a car payment again.

My GPA for my first semester of college (14 hours while working part-time) was 1.79.  My GPA for my last semester of college (19 hours while working full-time) was 3.5.  Guess there was nowhere to go but up!  I definitely work better when I have too much to do.

It took me almost seven years to finish my degree.

I’m a procrastinator. 

I smoked for almost five years.  Oh, and did I mention that I’m allergic to cigarette smoke?

My favorite cookie is Nutter Butter.  It’s one of the reasons I donate blood every time I’m eligible.  They ALWAYS have them there (and I refuse to buy them because I’d eat the whole package in one sitting.)

Okay, I think that’s PLENTY of stuff about me for now…can’t let you think you know me TOO well!